02.When and how to start?

If we are lucky, the first step in the journey of self-knowledge begins when we are young.

It is in the family that the first foundations are laid:

"Children begin to construct a sense of self not only through what they say about themselves, but primarily through what they feel is allowed or forbidden."
- John Bowlby in his book Attachment and Loss described how early relational experiences with reference figures influence the formation of identity and core emotions.

We think about the games proposed, in the activities suggested, in the books that are read to us or placed in our hands. In some cultural contexts, such as in Eastern countries there is a ritual that takes place around the age of one year: different objects are placed in front of the child and we observe which one he will choose. It is a game, but also a profound insight. It is said that the chosen object will reveal something about his personality or future.
But not all families are so eager to explore . In many homes people grow up following paths already laid out, where parents, driven by cultural or personal beliefs, direct their children down paths that may not be their own. This is where the first inner conflict can arise. If one does not feel free to express oneself, one begins to wear masks. This is not done for deception, but for survival. To be loved, welcomed, accepted.

Psychologist Carl Rogers, in his book Becoming a Person, writes:

"The tendency to become oneself can be stifled by the need to be accepted."

Then comes school. Something magical can happen: a teacher inspires us, a classmate makes us think, a project lights us up. But it can also be no. Then the path continues, but without a clear direction. One moves forward driven by duties, expectations, comparisons. But inside, something moves. Even if we do not notice it.

What if our intuition, our inner voice, comes into conflict with our surroundings? What if we long for something that others do not approve of or understand? An internal fracture then begins.

A separation between what we are and what we show.

We proceed by inertia, but without roots. Without meaning.

And then, if we are lucky, the crisis comes.

Yes, lucky.

Because crisis can be an awakening. A pain that forces us to stop. To ask ourselves, "Who am I really?", "Where am I going?", "Whose life am I living?".
If accompanied by a path of searching, listening, professional support or even the right words read/heard at the right time, the crisis can become an opportunity,a gateway,a return.

James Hillman, in his book The Soul Code, invites us to see crises as portals of revelation:

"We are not here to fix anything, but to listen to what the soul wants to reveal."

And you who are reading, who are you? Where are you in your journey?

Are you a teenager looking at yourself in the mirror looking for a reflection you don't yet know?
Are you an adult feeling lost, tired, but still with a desire to discover yourself?
Are you a parent wondering about the best way to accompany your children?
Or have you arrived here by chance... assuming chance exists?

Whoever you are, know that this journey can begin at any time. And it can be fascinating, liberating, transformative. It can change the way you look at the world and the way you look at yourself.

For a teenager, it is a difficult but most powerful time to begin.
For an adult, any time can be the right time.
For a parent, it is a valuable opportunity to come back to oneself, reread one's childhood, understand what worked and what diverted the path. And from there, begin to sow something new, even for one's own children.

Viktor Frankl, in A Psychologist in the Lagers, writes:
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

Sources of inspiration:

John Bowlby- Attachment and loss

Carl Rogers-Becoming a person

James Hillman- The Soul Code

Viktor E. Frankl-A psychologist in the camps.