06.What I carry with me I
The Invisible Legacy in Knowing Oneself
The legacy we inhabit
When we talk about self-knowledge, we often think of the present: what we feel, what we wish to change, who we want to become.
But the truth is that everything that has been passed on to us also lives inside us, sometimes silently, sometimes overtly. The spoken words, but especially the unspoken ones. The looks, the silences, the expectations and disappointments.
The legacy we inhabit is made not only of genes and physical traits, but also of lived experiences, fears, broken dreams, struggles, and beliefs that span generations.
We carry within us fragments of those who came before us, even if we never met them.
And if we don't recognize them, we risk living them as our own — without ever knowing where they came from.
"We are less free than we think; we are trapped by invisible loyalties and unconscious ties that bind us to our family of origin."
- Anne Ancelin Schützenberger, The Ancestor Syndrome
A valuable exercise: the journey into your legacy
Take a moment to yourself. A notebook, a pen, a quiet place. Start a little journey: go looking for the stories of your family.
Talk to your parents, if you can. With grandparents, uncles, aunts, or anyone who can tell you something. Ask questions about:
How relationships of love and friendship were experienced;
How money, work, stability were experienced;
What illness, health, healing meant;
What role spirituality, tradition, and innovation played;
what was considered "right," "normal," "possible."
Jot down everything. Let the stories become mirrors. Not to judge, but to understand.
I learned this practice from Tatiana Rudacevschi Mihaelnova, a coach and expert in the psychology of numbers. Tatiana invites people to explore their roots in order to understand them, integrate them and experience them "positively."
"Every unsolved in our family tree seeks, in those who come after, a new form to be liberated."
- inspired by transgenerational thinking
My encounter with the legacy
I remember when, during a webinar, Tatiana suggested that we go and talk to our grandparents.
I have only one grandmother left, with whom I had never had a loving relationship: few words, many discussions.
Yet I went to her. I had to ask her about her relationship with money, I wanted to start from there.
Tough task. But I hoped for an answer, perhaps harsh but sincere.
Her reaction was even more disorienting: she told me that she hated money. And most importantly, that I could ask her all the questions I wanted, except that one.
I felt a wall and the suffering that surely lies behind it.
And I later recognized that wall in my mother, in her words: “You shouldn't think about money.”
A protective intention, perhaps. But also a taboo.
I wasn’t supposed to talk about it.
And in fact, throughout my life, I haven’t liked talking about money.
It feels like something “inelegant,” a subject to avoid, never to bring into the spotlight.
But... money matters.
It's a resource, a possibility, a form of security and peace of mind.
It's a joy to see it come in after good work.
Money brings satisfaction. It brings enthusiasm.
This is the transformation I want to experience today.
I don't have many relatives anymore, unfortunately. But I want to search again. I want to know. I want to transform.
Thank you, Tatiana.
Integrating, not breaking
The goal is not to break with the past, but to integrate it.
Bringing light into its dark corners, honoring what forged us and choosing with greater freedom who we want to be.
Bert Hellinger said, "No one can escape their family. Even when one tries to separate from it, the invisible bond remains. The only way to be free is to recognize that bond and take its place in one's heart."
And you, what part of your legacy are you carrying today without realizing it?
Questions to begin your exploration:
What do I share with my parents and grandparents?
What fears or beliefs seem to be repeated in my story?
What do I really feel is mine, and what do I perceive as "inherited"?
If I could choose, what would I want to let go of?
Searching for your roots is not a nostalgic exercise; it is an act of freedom. Every story you discover, every word you understand, every emotion that resurfaces, is a building block that helps you consciously choose who you want to be today.
We cannot change what came before us, but we can choose what to do with it.
We can let go of what weighs us down and cherish what nourishes us.
Alejandro Jodorowsky in The Dance of Reality wrote : "What is not said, is repeated. And what is not healed, is transmitted."
Sources of inspiration:
Anne Ancelin Schützenberger- The Ancestor Syndrome
Bert Hellinger- Orders of Love
Clarissa Pinkola Estés- Women who run with wolves
Alejandro Jodorowsky-The Dance of Reality
