21. When what you wanted arrives... and no longer resembles you

The Bar at the Folies-Bergère — Édouard Manet (1882)

There are moments when life does exactly what we asked for.
It doesn't get the wrong address. It doesn't arrive late.
It arrives just right.

Yet, when we finally get there—in front of what we've wanted for years—something doesn't feel right.

It's not fear.
It's not impostor syndrome.
It's not even ingratitude.

It is a more subtle form of misalignment:
we no longer recognize ourselves in that desire.

The paradox of fulfillment

For years we imagined that role, that goal, that version of ourselves.
We built, we persevered, we proved ourselves.
And now that we could say "I did it," an unexpected question arises:

Who would I be if I really accepted all this?

It belongs to a version of us that needed to get there to feel valid, seen, legitimized.
But in the meantime, we have changed.

Move forward for ego or stop for truth?

And here it is, the uncomfortable choice.

Keep going, because we're almost there.
Because turning back feels like defeat.
Because giving up what "everyone wants" seems inexplicable, almost unforgivable.

Or stay.
Stay where we are and admit that maybe we weren't in the wrong place, but in the wrong state of mind.

This is not a strategic choice.
It is a choice of identity.

. Consciousness demands loyalty to the present.

The least celebrated courage

We are taught to celebrate those who succeed.
Much less so those who have the courage to say:

“This isn't my place. Not anymore.”

. Sometimes it is an act of extreme lucidity.

Moving forward is not always progress.
Sometimes it is just perseverance in an idea of oneself that no longer exists.

True maturity does not lie in achieving what you wanted,
but in recognizing when that desire is no longer true.

Perhaps the right question is another one.

Not: "What should I do now?"
But:

• Who am I trying to be if I accept?

• Who am I betraying if I continue?

• Who do I honor if I stop?

For me, December 31 is not a day for final decisions, but a day for silent admissions.

The ones that cannot be explained.
The ones that, if listened to, change everything.

Thank you, 2025, you have changed me in so many ways...thank you.

Sources of inspiration

Art (simply) personal life experience

The Bar at the Folies-Bergère — Édouard Manet (1882)

Personal interpretation:

In Bar at the Folies-Bergère, Manet uses the mirror not to double reality, but to crack it.
The female figure is present, elegant, seemingly aligned with her role.
Yet, on reflection, something does not add up.
The position changes, the gaze shifts, the identity splits.

It is as if the painting were telling us that there is a subtle but decisive gap between what we have become and what we feel we are.